So I turned 50 over the summer. How does it feel? Same, same. No difference from day to day. But actually, I feel I have levelled up over the last few years. Being much more aware of who I am and how I feel. What I do and why.
Raising kids is part of that. Wonderful to be there every day and watch them learn and grow. Sometimes through tears but mostly with happy faces and big smiles.
An offer you can refuse
Anyhow, I got a letter with an offer to be tested for prostatic cancer. Happy birthday. Earlier I would have jumped in right away and found a way to schedule an inconvenient visit in a busy work week. Growing up in Scandinavia, I have a high trust in the public sector and the public health system.
But the letter stressed that this is voluntarily and that there are potential negative consequences. Like discovering an early stage cancer that would grow so slowly that it would not be an issue in my lifetime.
So I’m giving the question more thought. Covid taught us that testing does not provide certainty. False positives are real. Even a true negative is only short term relief. You get exposed again immediately and start worrying once more. Fear of getting sick can make you sick.
To fear or not to fear
I haven’t decided yet but I probably end up accepting the offer. Which should be my default choice, following the group norms in the society I grew up in.
But my new found self realisation calls. That I do not need to constantly live up to other people’s expectations. That I can make my own informed choices and own the consequences. A real insight from these last few years where I quit two jobs without having a new job on hand. What a crazy thing to do. What a great thing to do.
The world is full of stuff to fear. We all follow the war in Ukraine. US politics. Before that it was Covid, Brexit, the financial crisis. It never stops. We can worry daily. Follow events closely to try predict how it will impact your life. Your world. What you care about. But if we do that to a degree where it becomes an obsession and we live in constant fear, we have already lost.
Trust that it will be ok
Be present for the people around you. Help them. Inspire them. Watch them grow. Find something fun in every day. Enjoy life.
Accept that the world is full of things that you cannot control. That there is always uncertainty. You will never know for sure.
Take comfort in your resilience and the people around you. Things usually turn out worse than we hope but better than we fear. Trust that it will be ok.
Have a great day. The best is yet to come.
