I’m practicing my dad jokes to find my self again. I burned out from stress two weeks ago. For the second time this year, you should think that I could see it coming but no. It wasn’t until I visited the doctor that I realised that my symptoms were stress related and I started to see all the things that were stressing me out and the coping strategies I used.
So I have been on sick leave this week. I will wrap up at work next week. I quit Monday. No job is worth your health. My six month trial period was up so an easy point to get off the train. It’s not like all our worries disappear but it feels great to take back control of things. Saying no. Letting go.
I will continue processing over the next weeks and months. What happened. How do I move on from here. What type of job, what workplace will be right for me. Hitting the job market again when I’m ready.
Luckily I have two great kids and a very supportive wife. We will get through this as well.
The important things in life
It has been great with a week to focus on the other things in life. Attending my youngest' end of season session at the circus school. It was fun as we get to participate and play with the other kids and parents. Being there for our elderly neighbour who fell ill and needed medical assistance. Calling the ambulance. Visiting him at the hospital. Helping his wife drive him home.
Why do we set ourselves up with a work the other end of the city with no time and energy for the people closest to us?
Anyhow, my mood came back and I started joking with my kids again. You gotta do the dad jokes while you still have an audience.
The biggest stress element I think is the War in Ukraine. To see the "fun and games" played around in the Congress, in Israel, in Slovakia, Hungary, Turkey. But I believe that in the end, humanity will come around. Make this planet a nice habitable place again without minefields and oil rigs. A place we can hand over to our kids and be proud of. I refuse to think otherwise.
So let’s laugh in the face of evil and find courage to persist and pull through.
Loosely based on an old Stalin joke, it’s time for a story.
Somewhere in Russia, present time
Putin and his personal driver were on their way home to the datcha after a late evening in the Kremlin. It was dark and the roads were not good after many, many months of the SMO.
All of a sudden a pig runs out in front of the car and BANG the car hits it and it’s dead on the spot. Even worse there is a big dent in the bumper.
Putin orders the driver to go to the nearest house and find out whose pig it was so they can pay for the damages. Which the driver does.
But he doesn’t come back until the next morning, his clothes in disorder and with a heavy hangover.
Putin is furious and asks what happened?
I walked to the house, knocked on the door and when they answered, I told them I was Putin’s driver and I killed the pig.
They invited me in and we were celebrating all night!
Poor pig! 🙂 And poor you, going through another round of stress-based fatique. However, I think that you can be proud of yourself to have a full awareness of what is happening and how to handle it, and I am sure that you will get well through it.
You ask “Why do we set ourselves up with a work the other end of the city with no time and energy for the people closest to us?”
I think that I would build it out a bit – “Why do we insist on putting ourselves in a situation where we have no personal freedom left, all available time being promised away; tied up on fulfilling the needs of others – people who do not even see what sacrifices we are doing for them, just taking it for granted and always asking for more?”
In other words, even though it can be nice to achieve something big or small together with good colleagues, we do pay a high toll for it, and sometimes it is not even that nice, afterall.
A workplace could possibly be something completely different, where people actually enjoy what they are doing without feeling urged to do too much, and where they – each day – decide what and how much they can give to the team, considering that they also need to live their own life. Working from home when that is the best, working half day if that is what is needed. Without excuses or explanations, guilt or blame. A friendly and understanding atmosphere among mature people who understand what is needed to create a good balance in life, and why that is needed.
Beautiful photos, btw., as always from your hand.
Thank you Jørgen for your support and for sharing your thoughts.
I’m still reflecting and sorting out my own. Working too hard to meet the perceived expectations of others at the cost of ignoring rest and restoration rings true.
Trust is super important when you work on something so specialised that your manager doesn’t engage in the details. Unfortunately trust is hard to build in a rushed hybrid setup where the measure of work defaults to hours spent staring into a screen.
I hope you enjoy a healthy work life balance these days. How do you avoid overcommitting yourself?
Yes, trust can be difficult – even though it should have been settled during the initial processes around your employment. When first hired, an employee, no matter the job, deserves full trust and support – and it is a main task of a company’s leadership to ensure that this will be given.
Most leders just don’t understand that; instead, they will often think that their job is to show distrust and avoid “lending themselves to” supporting employees (the old story about “being available to the employees” or not).
You will find your way – you have so much around you, and in you, that allows you to move past a bad experience, no matter the details.
About your question:
Being an independent consultant, I do tend to take in all the tasks I am being offered, but from time to time I DECIDE to say no to some of them. And that is the main difference from the internal positions I have had – I decide myself.
And if I have decided on doing something, it doesn’t feel half as hard as if I had been commanded to do it. It is not impossible to get out of the trouble either, as I can just decide to take a few days off whenever I want. And if there is a task offered that I don’t like, I am not being yelled at by a psychopat boss if I say no. That makes the world of a difference to me.
In fact, when I accept tasks that I would have preferred to skip, it is in all cases for the purpose of helping thos who need it done – as a human-to-human helping action. And that feels good.
It has consequences to say no: immediate loss of that potential income, of course, but also at times a cooled-down relation to the one who offered it, meaning fewer tasks from them in the near future.
But I can live with such consequences because they are the results of my own careful, conscious and mature decision, not the result of mean and destructive slave-whipping behaviour of someone else.
A workplace is of course not always as mean as that, but I really enjoy being free of it. If I should take a permanent job again, it would have to be different from what I have previously experienced.
Most people are probably nice people, but in a company setting they do not always know how to let that guide their behaviour.